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[15 Oct 2011|12:55pm] |
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What is wrong with me? Like seriously. This is what ive been waiting for. This is my pride and joy
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[16 Aug 2011|02:12pm] |
Dear iris,
I'm so proud of the person you are slowly becoming. You tell me everyday how proud you are of me but you need to hear it too. Soon you will be one step closer to becoming that nurse you have always wanted to be. I cannot wait until you receive that degree because you know I will be front and center cheering you on. Although you may be scared, know that you will
Never be alone. You have a wonderful
Support system who will always be with you. We won't be behind you but instead right next to you. Enjoy every step of this program and accept each
Challenge that comes your way. You will
Realize just how strong you are. And just how amazing you are. I love you and congratulations my love. You're almost there
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[14 Feb 2011|12:19am] |
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Dont say you're always going to be there when the reality is, you're not.
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[23 Jun 2010|11:49pm] |
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The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized - never knowing.
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[20 Jun 2010|11:46pm] |
"The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears."
”I wish I was as invisible as you make me feel”
i think that headache after you cry is just to let you know you're still alive"
"theres nothing left of me to be hurt anymore, i've been torn apart.."
"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials"
"The bad stuff is always easier to believe. Ever notice that?
"Its not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it."
"We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope."
"A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl.
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see. You have to believe what you feel."
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[18 Jun 2010|09:25pm] |
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I honestly believe that life is just simply unfair.
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[25 May 2010|12:14am] |
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"Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with."
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[24 Mar 2010|10:37am] |
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Fuck you. End of story.
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[15 Mar 2010|10:41pm] |
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"You know i spent so much time trying to separate romance and friendship. I guess if you're lucky, you get both. I want that some day, you know."
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[09 Mar 2010|10:25pm] |
"The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it."
"The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you."
"Even miracles take a little time"
"Keep your chin up, someday there will be happiness again"
"Try again, fail again. Fail better."
"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world"
"Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn’t people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them"
"The question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I, or the others crazy?"
"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."
"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world, remains and is immortal."
"In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years."
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it."
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world. Not even our troubles."
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[17 Jan 2010|04:36pm] |
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im tired.
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[09 Dec 2009|12:28am] |
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mood |
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 weird |
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I did it. I did what I thought was right. I felt relief and regret at the same time. I ditched him. I know I did. I have never left someone who was so vulnerable. But for once, I put myself first. I need to take a stand for myself and I think that I honestly forget to do that sometimes. People walk all over me and although I act like it’s ok it’s not. Danny treated me like shit before his accident and he said he changed. People don’t change. At least some don’t. They never do. So, I let go. Maybe one day we will both realize what we let go of without even trying. But that day isn’t today. (Tomorrow doesn’t look too great either) lol I love how I can crack jokes but lol I can’t help it. At the end of the day, we decide how to make ourselves happy and I think by letting this go, I’m giving it the space it needs. He ripped my heart up into a thousand little pieces and he's not going to keep doing that. I’m glad that I took the final step in moving on...finally. I told him I wished him the best of luck with Vanessa. I mean that. I really do. I’m glad someone could be there for him. I hope she makes him happy and I wish him the best of luck in whatever he chooses to do. I don’t know what I expect of myself or him. Or even of our relationship. If he needs me, will I be there? Or will I simply ignore him? I hope that when that day comes, I make the right decision. I just know that right now, I need time to heal. Maybe we were never meant to be, but I didn’t my best in proving that I could be there for him. Everyone agrees with my decision. At first, I didn’t agree. I thought that I left him at his most vulnerable moment. Well, I did. But I tried my best to do everything possible. Sometimes, it takes really tough times to realize what kind of person you truly are. Not to toot my own horn, but I think that I proved what a good person I could be.
Now, on to a totally different thing but even more important than dumb ass Danny. Iris and Alex. What is there to say? They really are trying to get along. I see it. I love it. But come on. Be honest. If you guys can’t take each other, tell me. I want to be able to listen to what each of you have to say. It’s just weird that I have actually heard you getting along. Even my mom was impressed today. btw, thanks for helping today. :D I do love spending time with both of you. Like, I can be me. It feels so great. I’m honestly going to miss you guys a lot when I leave on vacation. :(
Today was such a weird day. Alex was weird. I was bitching all morning. I’m just glad it’s over.
What a freaking random update.
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[08 Dec 2009|11:57pm] |
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I GOT AN A IN MY THEORIES OF PERSONALITY CLASS WOOHOOO!! other than that it was a weird day! but my friends are amazing!! yayness!!
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[28 Mar 2009|12:31am] |
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honestly, maybe they dont
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[13 Jul 2008|07:16pm] |
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so it was my birthday on friday and i was actually really excited. but my grandfather ended up passing away. at first i thought it was some kind of joke. or that he didnt die but was really bad at the hospital. i felt selfish because i just didnt want him to die on my birthday. i wanted to go into work and have a normal day. like i thought i was suppose to have. last year my aunt died two days before my birthday and i didnt want to go through the same thing again. i realized that he had died but it hadnt hit me until i actually arrived and saw him. i called into work and they were very supportive. iris called and i told her what happened and she was great. she showed up and she cried with me when she saw him. the rest of the family started getting there and we were just there. i remembered back to two years earlier when he got really bad in the hospital. we all thought for sure we were losing him then and there. that night i went home and cried, a lot. even iris had no way of comforting me. as i lay in bed i prayed for the first time in a long time. i prayed because i wasnt physically or emotionally ready to lose him. i prayed that i would be able to have him for at least another year. that none of us were ready to let him go just yet. thankfully, god listened to my prayer and i had him for two years. even though they werent perfect i was able to just be there for him. and he was there for me. on friday, after we got home and my mom was making the funeral arrangements, i was getting ready to leave and run some errands. i told iris that i felt as though i could have done more. but she told me that i had done more than enough for them and that was all that could be done. things happen and thats that. that year that he got really sick he was on the breathing tube, and finally gained conciousness after three days. or more. i dont remember. he said that he had seen god and god told him that he wasnt ready to die. that he was going to die someday, but he would die of laughter. and not there. he told my mom and me that. on friday, my mom reminded me of that. and she told me that he made sure to die on the happiest day of the year for me. that made me cry so much. and as im typing this im still crying. its hard to believe that someone could love me that much. or to think that i am that important to someone. i guess im finally breaking down. or that the reality of the situation has finally sunken in. i will never see his smile, or hear him tell me that my smile is perfect. i will never feed him again, or run to the hospital for him when hes sick. i will never hold his hand again or tell him that i love him. i will never again kiss him on the head. i feel bad because i feel as though i took him for granted. at the burial yesterday, henry spoke and told me that i should feel blessed to know that every birthday from now on i will always remember him. and that he wanted me to remember him with a smile on his face. i will never forget that smile. no matter how he was feeling he would always smile at me. my dad spoke and said that friday night he woke up because he felt as though my grandfather needed to say something. he said it specifically to me and my mom. he wanted me to remember the good times we shared and all the things he left me get away with when i use to live with them or be with them. and to not be sad. but i honestly cant help it. im glad that i was able to share nineteen years with him. to know he was there was comforting to me. he made me smile, always. i hope that i will always remember that. i remember getting to a point where i wanted him to die. not because i wanted to let him go, but so he would no longer suffer. yesterday i got that inner peace but right now i broke down. i know that he is in a better place now and im glad of that. im glad that i was able to spend my time with him and that i was able to enjoy him as much as i did. i guess i needed to vent a little.
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[06 Jun 2008|07:36pm] |
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so i got the job at camp and was excited about it. i had emailed erika because i knew she got the job too. i asked for shorty girls which are six and seven year olds and i ended up six jr teen boys which are 11 and 12. whatever they shouldnt be too bad. so at the meeting erika didnt end up sitting next to me and i felt kind of left out. but everyones really nice so they started talking to me. that was parents night, on wednesday. then thursday i had to go in the morning and we went to some place where they talked about how to handle the kids and a whole bunch of new games and stuff. i got home at 12 and had lunch with iris. then i had to go back at five to some other thing. we ended up making the schedules for the kids. i got out at seven thirty because we were all talking and stuff. then today i went out with iris to do some stuff for her financial aid and we went to the mall. i had to buy some stuff for camp. she left and i left to go to another thing for work at five. today we picked our schedules. for now im working mondays and wednesdays from seven thirty to four thirty and the rest of the week from nine to six. :) im pretty happy. in our meeting today we had to introduce ourselves. most of the people are either education majors and already teachers. so it came to me and i said, "hi, my name is kellis, im 18 turning 19 in july. im an fiu student and im double majoring in math and psych." their response was wow. literally all of them said it. and then michelle, who's our boss said, ok next person, can you beat that? I was like, im not that impressive. but it was a good feeling considering im a newbie. so i start monday at seven thirty. :) i hope everything goes well. yay!
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[10 May 2008|01:35pm] |
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"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts."
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[14 Apr 2008|09:38am] |
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so, overall good weekend. thankfully, i only have one more day of classes and two days of finals. so i have a lot of studying to do these next couple of days. while at the beach last weekend i wrote a paper for my environment class. i thought it was ok. it was worth ten points. but if i printed it double sided i'd get one extra credit point. so of course i did. i typed it and wrote it sunday afternoon when it was due monday morning. today in class he said he had some papers that he wanted to speak about some of the papers. he called my name out. turns out that mine was one of his best ones. i got an 11. he wanted permission to use it in other classes and show it to other people. so now im here in history. i still have no idea whats going on and i dont care. i missed a pop quiz in this class on friday. this cute boy told me. he said he thinks it was extra credit. whatever. i have one class and im honestly dying to go home. :(
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[29 Feb 2008|01:45pm] |
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refrigerators hum |
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so last night i talked to iris and as soon as i hung up i got a text. i thought it was from her but out of all the people i know it was danny. like last month i gave him like three pictures and i told him i wanted them back after he got mad at me. so last night, mind you it was like eleven at night, he text me "your three pictures that i owe you are in your mailbox." i was going to text ok, but i didnt. then i was going to text come back and pick them up but i didnt bother. it was as i didnt care. he should have had the courage to bring them to me in person but since hes such a coward he didnt. so i didnt bother saying a thing. i got them this morning and left them in the car. in the afternoon i went to run an errand and i threw them away. he was in them and i saw no point in keeping them anymore. so that was last night/this morning.
today i didnt feel like going to school, but i did anyway. math - was boring it was basically another freaking review. stats was alright. i understand whats going on. after class she put our tests on her desk and when i went to pick mine up it was long gone. i couldnt find it. which got me really upset. so i told her and she said that she would look for my grade. she emailed me. i got an 85 :) go me. in environment and society we just took some notes. in history we reviewed dr jekyll and mr hyde. my mid term is next week wednesday so i have to study A LOT this weekend. when i got home i checked and i got a 91 on my napoleon paper!! he said it was really really good but he marked some points off because some things i hadnt backed up and other points were a little too vague.but im so proud of myself! chem he said it was friday so he took a survey on how many people wanted to go home. lol. so i left. other than that im still waiting for alex to call. and ive lost hope. so i dont know what else to do. lets see how the weekend goes. :) im feeling better now
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[17 Feb 2008|02:18pm] |
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mood |
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so this weekend has been good. iris and i have been really well lately. she came over yesterday to do hw and she did hw and ate crap with me. i had a good time. we went to starbucks and then cvs/walgreens. we didnt find what we were looking for but whatever. i have a whole bunch of hw to do and i have school tomorrow. which totally sucks. but whatever.
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